Letra de (the lengend of) miss baltimore

TRACY
Well, I brought my own ´45s,´ so if you put ´em on, I´ll show you my stuff!
LOU ANN
Haven´t you already shown us enough?

{The Council Girls snicker.)

VELMA
Oh my god
How times have changed
This girl´s either blind
Or completely deranged
Ah, but time seemed to halt
When I was "Miss Baltimore Crabs"

Childhood dreams
For me were cracked
When that damn Shirley temple
Stole my frickin´ act
But the crown´s in the vault
From when I won "Miss Baltimore Crabs"

Those poor runner-ups
Might still hold some grudges
They padded their ´cups´
But i screwed the judges
Those broads thought they´d win
If a plate they would spin in their dance
Not a chance!

Cause i hit the stage
Batons ablaze
While belting high ´c´s
And preparing souffles!
But that triple somersault
Was how i clinched "Miss Baltimore Crabs"!

VELMA
Proceed...

TAMMY
Are you scared we´re on live?

TRACY
No, I´m sure i can cope!

AMBER
Well, this show isn´t broadcast
in...

COUNCIL GIRLS
...Cinemascope!

VELMA
I never drank one chocolate malt
No, no desserts for "Miss Baltimore Crabs"

SHELLEY
How many sweaters do you own?

TRACY
Well, I´m sure I´ve got plenty
Let´s see, I have three...five?...
Wait, I have twenty!!

VELMA
I would say ´oy gevalt´
If i wasn´t "Miss Baltimore Crabs"!

A tycoon i wed
So cuddly and funny
The old fart dropped dead
But left tons of money
So i bought this station

VELMA & COUNCIL GIRLS
So all of the nation
Could see

VELMA
Baby amber and me!

AMBER
Do you dance like you dress?

LINK
Amber, there´s no need to be cruel!

VELMA
Would you swim in an integrated pool?

(The Council Members gasp.J

TRACY
I sure would. I´m all for
integration, it´s The New
Frontier!

VELMA
Not in Baltimore it isn´t! And may i be frank?

First impressions can be tough
And when i saw you, i knew it
If your size weren´t enough
Your last answer just blew it!

And so, my dear, so short and stout
You´ll never be "in"

VELMA & COUNCIL GIRLS
So we´re kicking you out!

VELMA
You can´t get past me kid
But it isn´t your fault

VELMA & COUNCIL MEMBERS
It´s hard to get rid of "Miss Baltimore...

VELMA
...Crabs!"

You may go.

TRACY
Um... thank you?

PENNY
Gee Tracy, that went well!

(Li´l Inez runs on.)

LI´L INEZ
Hello Ma´am, may I please
audition?

VELMA
No, but you can bow and exalt!
´Cause i was "Miss Baltimore...

VELMA & THE COUNCIL MEMBERS
...Crabs"!
Crabs, Crabs!!!